My first season playing pony baseball was when they called strikes and balls, on this team every one went to school together accept me. I was isolated from the rest of the team, no one wanted to talk to me, no one wanted to throw with me, and no one wanted anything to do with me.
Our first game was today, feeling scared, wondering what was going to happen when i strike out or make a bad play, how were my teammates going to react. Will they boo at me , cuss me out, or still isolate me. The game has started, i was playing at third base, the ball was hit right at me, i tried to duck but it was to late. When i woke up, there was a large bump on my head, in the distance i hear my teammates laughing at me, trying to copy what they saw. After the game it was time to eat, i was the last one in line because i couldn't really walk, after i got my food i went to go sit by them, but sadly they had the nerve to stand up and go sit somewhere else. Even this is the first game we still don't know each other that well yet.
On Monday we had practice, my grandma asked me what was the matter because I had a worried look on my face, I just sat in there looking threw the window saying nothing. I get out of the car and I see them laughing and having a good time. Right before we went to the field to get ground balls, one of the coaches pulled me off to the side. He had a curious face expression on and he asked me if was alright, I looked down and didn't say anything, then he said “ Isaiah, a new teammate is like a new student in your class, very shy, probable doesn’t have friends, isolated from everyone else” you don't want them to treat you like the new student right, so introduce your self, become friends with them, show them the real you.
On Saturday was our second game of the season. When i got out of the car and i started to walk to the dugout, i was thinking about how was i going to get more interactive with my teammates. was i going to go with the "Hello nice to meet" or a "How do you do". It was our turn to bat i was sitting on the bench and i see one of my teammates struggling with a Gatorade bottle, i took up all of my courage that i had and went to help him out, at first he didn't know who i was but then he said " your that new kid right from Halawa right" i nodded.
After that persist moment when he acknowledged me i had this kinda of burst of encouragement inside me to just be myself around anyone, old and new friends it doesn't matter, i now have the courage now to be myself not anything else.
On Saturday was our second game of the season. When i got out of the car and i started to walk to the dugout, i was thinking about how was i going to get more interactive with my teammates. was i going to go with the "Hello nice to meet" or a "How do you do". It was our turn to bat i was sitting on the bench and i see one of my teammates struggling with a Gatorade bottle, i took up all of my courage that i had and went to help him out, at first he didn't know who i was but then he said " your that new kid right from Halawa right" i nodded.
After that persist moment when he acknowledged me i had this kinda of burst of encouragement inside me to just be myself around anyone, old and new friends it doesn't matter, i now have the courage now to be myself not anything else.
I think that your story's very touching and it makes me understand you a bit more. I just think that you need to clear up the last line and clean up the dialogue a bit. Spell check too.
ReplyDeleteI like how you opened up a bit, sharing a story so personal can be hard. Its a good start, but I think you should let the reader know how you felt when you were alienated from everyone else. How did you react? Whats the difference between how you felt in the moment and how you feel about it now?
ReplyDeleteWatch out for jumping times..."was less then too weeks away....our first game was today." You can start from your first game and still talk about how you were isolated from the team all in one paragraph. Also please read through your work you have many grammatical and spelling errors that should have not been made if you took your time. Please also discuss why not caring has helped you, and you don't care what coaches or parents have to say? that doesn't sound right. Explain what you learned through this experience in detail. AS(2-)
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