Humans
are the main contributors to ocean ecosystem, but humans aren’t the only
things that are polluting the ocean, nature is also a factor. The ocean has
changed over the years, polluted runoff, sea level rising, over fishing, and
illegal dumping.
Polluted
runoff is the greatest threat to Hawaii surface and ground water quality.
Polluted runoff results when storm water or irrigation water Moves pollutants
off the land from farms, urban areas and construction sites into Hawaii streams
and coastal waters. Polluted runoff can contribute greatly to ocean pollution
because the chemicals that the runoff collects can flow into oceans and stream
that can kill wild life and the environment
Sea
level rise caused by melting sea ice and thermal expansion of the oceans could
also cause problems for some coral reefs by making them too deep
to receive a reasonable amount of sunlight which means that the coral
would die. There like natures under water plants they still need sunlight in
order to survive. But what global flooding does is that it makes the ocean
levels so high that the coral reef cant even get any sunlight because the sun
rays can go so far in from the surface that it doesn’t reach which means the
coral reefs cant get the proper amount of sunlight.
The
need for seafood has risen which has allowed for fishing to become much more
effective, allowing fishermen to catch at a much higher rate. At such a
high rate, the fish cannot keep reproducing as fast as the fishermen
fish. In 1900 there were at least six times more fish in our oceans than
there are now. The results for overfishing include the destruction of
ecosystems, lack of catch for fishermen. Research on the world’s
fisheries shows that 52% of fish stocks, and 1% is recovering from extinction.
Approximately 90% of the large predatory fish stocks are already extinct,
which means the balance of the fish pollution can largely affect the ocean
ecosystem that can lead to ocean depilation.
the ocean ecosystem can be destroyed in a number of years so we need to help out and
Your sentences transitioned well and I liked your sentence construction. Your vocabulary is better and you get your point across pretty well. Although when you're an essay, it's supposed to be somewhat professional. Using words like 'so' at the beginning of a sentence makes it seem like you're talking casually. Your grammar is killing me too. Please delete any unnecessary spaces and characters.
ReplyDeleteYou have to watch out for your spacing and you used very good words to describe your topic. Use more understandable sentences instead of using so alot.
ReplyDeleteYou have lots of facts in your essay but very little of your own ideas and writing. You essay is very choppy meaning your thesis is not clear. I am not sure if you essay is about pollution or overfishing because it jumps back and forth. You need to focus your essay and develop a clearer thesis. Also your body paragraphs contain very disconnected ideas. For example, you say global warming is a threat to coral reef, but you do not explain how or why. And then you say the coral reef will die from cheap energy (which is what), how does this connect to global warming. Also your entire essay needs to be more specific to hawaii not the entire world or the US. AS(1)
ReplyDelete